Chapter 18: Relato’s Advice

 

Narrated by Mapaseka Mokoena

I could not keep it to myself anymore. That evening, I called Relato and asked her to come over. I needed to talk, and I also needed someone who could laugh with me before I completely lost my mind from embarrassment. When she arrived at my house she kicked off her shoes and dropped her handbag on the couch.

“So?” she asked immediately. “What is going on? You sounded stressed on the phone.”

I sighed and sat down slowly.

“Relato,” I said, “something happened three weeks ago and then it happened again today.”

Her eyes lit up instantly.

“Eish, start from the beginning.”

So I told her everything. About my car breaking down on the road,  the Zulu man who stopped to help me, how he fixed my car in thirty minutes and refused my money.

And then I told her the worst part.

“He showed up at my company today,” I said quickly. “Relato, I swear I thought he was stalking me.”

Relato’s mouth dropped open.

“Aowa!”

“I shouted at him,” I continued. “I called security. I said, ‘Please take this man out of the building.’”

She burst out laughing immediately.

“Mapaseka!” she laughed. “You are joking!”

“I am serious!” I said, covering my face. “It turns out he was there to fix one of my employee’s cars. I did not even listen properly.”

Relato was now laughing so hard she had to lean back on the couch.

“So you accused a man of stalking you without knowing any details?” she asked between laughs.

“Yes,” I replied. “And I did not even apologise properly. I just ran away.”

She wiped her eyes.

“Yoh, my friend, you are dangerous.” 

I raised my eyebrows.

“Relato, I am serious. I think I scared him off.”

Relato shook her head.

“No, no, no. Men like that do not get scared easily.”

She leaned forward with a teasing smile.

“And let me tell you something,” she added. “Especially these Zulu men, when they want something, they get it. She clicked her tongue and added with a smile. Bathi ngiyakuthanda nkosazana emhlophe. In their world, everything is complete once they decide.”

I sighed loudly.

“Relato, please stop.”

She ignored me completely.

“You are already in trouble, friend,” she continued. “Those guys do not disappear. He is going to come back again and again.”

I crossed my arms.

“No ways,” I said firmly. “I can not date a man like that.”

Relato raised her eyebrows.

“Oh? Why not?”

I paced a little in front of her.

“Relato, you know my ideal man,” I said. “He does not fit anything on my list. Nothing. And we know Zulu guys and education”

She interrupted me immediately.

“Eish, Mapaseka, forget that list.”

I stopped walking.

“What do you mean?”

“The heart does not care about education, my friend. As long as a person can afford life, is responsible, and is not doing crime that is enough. Everything else is noise.”

I shook my head.

“It is not that simple.”

She smiled knowingly.

“It is that simple. You are just scared.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I am not scared.”

Relato leaned back and smirked.

“Okay, let me imagine something,” she said slowly.

I narrowed my eyes. “Relato”

She ignored me.

“Imagine he ask you to be his second wife” she said. “He comes into your house and says, ‘Mapaseka, stop working I will take care of you.”

There was a second of silence. Then I grabbed a cushion and threw it at her.

“Relato!”

She laughed loudly and dodged it.

“I am joking!” she said, still laughing. “I am joking, my friend!”

But she was not done.

“I am just saying,” she continued, wiping her eyes, “you are acting like he is already your husband. You are already planning rejection speeches and he has only fixed your car!”

I sat back down, shaking my head.

“This is why I called you,” I whispered. “You are not helping.”

Relato stood up, still smiling.

“I am helping,” she said. “You are just refusing to hear it.”

She picked up her bag and walked to the door.

Before leaving, she turned back one last time.

“Just don’t be surprised when Mr Mechanic refuses to leave you alone,” she teased again.

“Go home, Relato.”

She laughed all the way out.

And when the door closed, I sat in silence.

Trying to convince myself that I had nothing to worry about. But somehow Relato’s words stayed in my mind longer than I wanted them to.