Chapter 15: Protecting the Heart

 

Narrated by Mapaseka Mokoena

After our first meeting, Teboho and I agreed that we would not rush into anything. He looked at me calmly and said, “We should get to know each other properly first, no pressure.” I nodded and replied, “That sounds fair to me, ke a dumela.”

For the first time in a long time, I did not feel rushed or pushed. Everything started slowly and naturally. In the following weeks, we spent time together in simple but intentional ways. He would sometimes call me and say, “Let’s go somewhere quiet, just us.” I would agree, even though a part of me was still unsure.

One evening we went wine tasting at a calm place with soft music and warm lighting. I held my glass carefully while he watched me with quiet attention.

He smiled and said, “You think too much, Mapaseka.”

I replied with a small smile, “That is what successful women do, mos.”

He laughed softly and said, “Or maybe you just do not know how to relax.”

I did not answer him because I did not want to admit how true that might be.

Another time he took me to an elegant lounge in the city. The place was quiet with soft jazz playing and people speaking softly.

He asked me, “Are you comfortable here?”

I nodded and said, “Yes I am enjoying.”

He smiled and replied, “Good. I like it when you are relaxed.”

What stood out most about him was consistency. He did not change his energy depending on the day. He checked on me without being controlling. He listened carefully and remembered small things I had said.

One afternoon he arrived with tea and placed it in front of me.

He said, “No sugar, just the way you like it.”

I looked at him and asked, “How did you remember that?”

He answered simply, “You told me and I listen.”

Those small moments stayed in my mind longer than I expected.

Relato noticed everything. One evening she called me and said excitedly, “So tell me, Mapaseka, how is Mr Observant treating you?”

I smiled and replied, “He is good.”

She laughed and said, “Just good?”

I paused and then said honestly, “He is very good actually.”

There was silence for a moment before she said, “I can hear it in your voice. You are falling my friend.”

I quickly replied, “I am not falling Relato.”

She laughed softly and said, “We will see about that.”

But even after the call ended, I sat quietly in my room thinking about her words. Because deep down I knew something was changing in me.

One evening after Teboho walked me to my car, he said gently, “Drive safely, I will call you tomorrow.”

I replied, “Alright, I will wait for your call.”

He smiled and said, “Good night, Mapaseka.”

I said, “Good night.”

When I got inside my car I did not drive off immediately. I just sat there thinking.

Kabelo’s memory came back to me without warning. The pain, the betrayal, and the silence that followed everything collapsing.

I whispered to myself , “Ha ke sa batla bohloko bo tjena hape,” meaning I do not want that kind of pain again.

The next day when I saw Teboho again he noticed that something was different.

He looked at me and asked gently, “Are you okay today?”

I forced a smile and said, “Yes I am just tired.”

But he studied me and replied, “You are not your usual self.”

I did not respond. That evening after we spoke for a while, I realised I was getting too comfortable too quickly. The feeling was growing and it scared me.

Later that night when he called, I answered and said softly, “Teboho, I think we should slow things down.”

There was a short silence before he asked, “We already agreed to take things slowly what do you mean?”

I took a breath and said, “I mean  I need space.”

He went quiet for a moment then said calmly, “If that is what you need I understand.”

I replied softly, “Thank you for understanding.”

He said, “Good night Mapaseka.”

And I answered, “Good night.”

After the call ended, I sat alone in my house the silence felt heavy.

I whispered to myself, “I must protect myself.” 

Because I knew myself well enough to understand that when I start to care I care deeply. And I was not ready to lose myself again.